Vance Dubberly

Just love this bit from Boondock Saints.

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family.
Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines,
cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers.
Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance.
Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends.
Choose leisurewear and matching luggage.
Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing,
spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth.
Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home,
nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself.
Choose your future. Choose life.
But why would I want to do a thing like that?
I chose not to choose life: I chose something else.

Had a pretty mellow day after a really unmellow week. Found the used bookstore that’s just down the street and spent $100 on not-in-print Mojave Desert Books. Then spent the evening at Water Canyon Coffee Company working on the forth coming The Mojave.

For the first time in quite awhile I got some hours in reading.  Wandered through the words of Jorge Lious Borges for awhile. The end result of which is that I now think Descartes and Berkeley were cowards, who ran screaming back to their god like frightened little children after glimpsing the abyss. Cogito Ergo Sum should simply be Cogito,  the object, I, is not required.  Anyway there is little truth in what I’ve just said, only it’s seeds.  Going to clean house now.

“The New Colossus” by Emma Lazarus

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles.
From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“”Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!”” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

For those unfamiliar, this is the poem inscribed at the base of the the Statue of Liberty.

I don’t understand how anybody could imply that discussing Religion is discussing morality and Science is not. To confuse religion with morality is to the same a confusing science with technology. Science is a methodology for discovering and validating truth through empirical experience. Technology can be developed and was for most of human history without Science. Religion is a method of describing reality through metaphor, analogy, and revelation while it makes claims about morality, those claims are often contradictory and vary from religion to religion. As the truth which religion describes is proved invalid by the methodology of science it must be abandoned as the answers which are provided by science are always truer than those provided by religion. First science has circumvented religions metaphysical claims, then is physical claims, now many of it’s social claims, next and even to a small degree now are it’s moral claims. To participate in a discussion of religion is to talk about our social myths, to participate in a discussion of science is to talk about reality, moral, technological, physical, biological or otherwise. Unfortunately neither our public nor our politicians ( if they want to be elected ) acknowledge this.

I just put myself on the line for an olympic distance triathlon. The Wildflower Triathlons. This looks scary. I am scared, here’s the course description:

The Wildflower Olympic Distance Triathlon is an amateur age group and relay team event. This world-class course includes a 1.5K open water swim, a 40K (extremely hilly bike course) and a brutal 10K run course. The race will include the Wildflower collegiate championships. The best college triathletes from around the country will be competing for Wildflower collegiate, individual and school honors. It is a great race for both beginners and accomplished competitors. The Olympic Distance race will also be part of the Triathlon Club Team Competition event.

Given I’ve only done 2 Triathlons, they were both sprint distance ( 1/2 of and Olympic ), and that I bombed out of the last one. This is big chunk to bite off.

Oh, well I’ve 5 months to train. Wish me luck.

Forgive me if I whimper a little bit durring this entry. I started the week off wrong. Remember that hill I climbed last week. The one with the 12.9% grade that I was going to go make a loop out of this week. Well I got a little carried away. Up, up, and away. Up, up, up and away. Let’s just say I was mistaken about a few things. First, I couldn’t take Moody over to Page Mill, I was at Page Mill when I climbed Moody last week. Second, the grade on Moody doesn’t max out at 12.9%, it’s actually 16.3%.

I did the race this weekend. I’m recovering today. I’m not happy with my numbers but then if I were I wouldn’t be happy with me.

Swim: 41:27
Bike: 1:41:55
Run: 1:11:20
Total: 3:42:35

Lecture by Barry Schwartz on the Paradox of Choice, or the negative side of having to many choices.

Paradox of Choice

Prolegomena

I’m new to triathlons, I’ve done two sprint distance Tri’s both more than 6 months ago. This year I decided to upgrade and move into the International or Olympic world. Windman will be my first at this length and I am considering it a practice Tri before doing the Olympic Tri at Wildflower. So I’m no expert and my opinions are pretty uninformed.

Why Windman? A fluke really. It’s early in the season, it’s close and I signed up after reading on the website that the course would be very flat with one 1/2 mile hill climb.

Special Note: The website for this triathlon is the worst site I’ve seen on the internet in many years. Tri sites in general are pretty awful, Windman’s site takes the cake. Not only is it amazingly ugly it’s very difficult to find information and in many places the site contradicts itself.

Pre-race Registration/Course Exploration

I drove down today, Saturday April 14th because Windman requires you arrive the day before the event to pick up your race packet and attend an orientation. I’d hoped to get directs from Google or Yahoo Maps but that didn’t work out so well. So I had to break out the Atlas and follow the directions on the site ( which are accurate if not vague ). I arrived at 2pm which is good because although the website says registration is from 12pm to 3pm it actually opened at 2pm.

Arriving at registration I drove right past the building because I didn’t see any signs or banners and the only people I saw was one other confused looking athlete and some people that looked like Park Rangers in front of something that looked like a meth addicts house. I was stopped by what appeared to be a creek running over the road. Confused, I backed up and saw that one of the guys was waving me over. “Ooookaaaay I guess this is it.”, I said.

Registration consists of one guy handing out the packets he’s finished putting together and enlisting the help of the racers to finish their own packets for those he hasn’t. Also one of the Park Rangers was talking to the Race Organizer about how to set up a buoy. Apparently you fill up a giant halloween jack-o-lantern with balloons. The only thing I could think at this point was what had I gotten myself into.

Apparently I wasn’t alone. When I returned 2 hours later for Orientation the small group of people standing around the registration site all had the same dismayed or quizzical looks on their faces as I. The guy who runs the Triathlon then proceeded to tell us a bit about the course and explain that the creek is part of the course, part which is actually quite easy to traverse ( We’ll see). After the orientation I actually did feel better about the event but I think that is mostly due to the other participants.

Off to check the course. The swim is from a boat ramp, the water looks quite clean the temperature is expected to be around 60-65 degrees. I don’t look forward to running up the boat ramp in bare feet as it’s a kind of grated concrete and I’m kind of a wimp.

Next I drove the run. It’s definitely not what I expected. The run is up out of the transition area and then takes off on a troad (Trail Road, for those of you who aren’t outdoorsy ). Good thing I have a 4 wheel drive. The trail run isn’t flat and it isn’t smooth. Most of the way out it’s a mild climb or descent but once you get over the first hill it’s up and down quite a bit. If it rains tomorrow it’ll be quite muddy in places. I like trail running but I’m afraid of this because I’ve been training on flat ground.

The bike starts out of the transition area and immediately climbs about 200 feet only to drop back down to well below the level of the transition area. There you get to ride through the creek. Once through, it’s up about 500 feet (I’ll get real altitude later) and a smooth decent out to the loop. About 3/4 of the course is in on flat country roads in a part of rural California that looks a lot like Texas. It was a beautiful drive and I look forward to gazing at the old broken down barns and orchards. The road is mostly pretty smooth but there is a long stretch that is pot hole heaven. I think I’ll need to get my wheels trued after the race.

So now I’m sitting here in the Super 8. Despite my description of course and event to this point I’m actually looking forward to doing it, especially the run. I like things that aren’t quite perfect, while Windman may not be the most organized or glamourous triathlon it’s got more a sense of adventure than any of the events I’ve been to. The small turn out, about 120 people, should make it more friendly and personal than the mega events. Though I must confess I called Girlfriend and Mother and told them not to come down. This is not going to be an event for spectators, nor is there really room for them.

The Event

I got up in the morning on time. Sucked down a liquid breakfast and headed out. Brrr, it was chilly. Parking was not a problem. After hunting for a bike rack I set everything out, put on the wet suit and started the wait. The guy who runs the event started talking about the event a bit through a bullhorn and lectured everybody about not doing breast stroke.

Swim

32 mins
After everybody proved they could do free style by swimming out the end of the boat dock and back we all got lined up, “men in front women in back”, ( if you where there you understand ) and headed out. The water was quite cold but it was clean and pretty clear for a reservoir. It was really a very nice swim course. Most pleasant open water swim I’ve done.

I had a really hard time getting warmed up and in rhythm. Truth is, I never found a good rhythm. I don’t know what it is about open water and races but I’ve a really hard time relaxing enough to get a rhythm going. My form is a wreck and I work way to hard. This time was no different I felt list a fish outa water. Despite that I did my fastest 1.5K swim finishing in 32 minutes, and despite that I was the last person out of the water. (Women in front, me in back).

Bike

1:45 mins
This is my strongest sport. In the two sprints I’ve done I kept pace with people more experienced than myself and when I’m out training at “Base” pace I tends a little slower than what appear to be much more experienced cyclist. Despite this I didn’t recover as much ground as I’d hoped. In fact I did very very poorly. I did the wildflower course back in January and it took me 1:30 minutes with no training, how I landed 1:45 with training I’ve no Idea but I’m very displeased with myself.

The ride itself was pretty tough. I started outa the transition area and topped the hill pretty easily then speed down prayed the water crossing wouldn’t be the end of me. It was easy. Passed one person climbing out of the valley and descended onto the loop. At this point my seat got really really uncomfortable and stayed that way for the rest of the race. Never make a last minute seat adjustment. This was the tough part. The wind was blowing pretty hard and it turned my 20 mph pace into a 12-15 mph pace. But of course going with the wind to my back made me faster. I think what killed me thought was the ride back in. I didn’t climb the long grade back into the valley very well. I was conserving energy but maybe to much.

Run

1:18
This almost killed me running out of the transition area wasn’t so bad. And getting out the troad wasn’t so bad but thing fell apart pretty bad for me there. The troad was never even or flat and the climbs it entailed were way to much for me. I kept it slow, very slow, because I knew if I didn’t I wouldn’t finish. I was right.

The first loop was ok. The second one, not so much. As I crested the hill on the way out I could feel my legs and butt burning. That’s to be expected. Right at the turn back on the loop however there is a sharp drop and climb out of a revien. As I descended I felt a very sharp pain my knees and my feet started throbbing. I had to walk half way down. The climb back up the other side took my last bit of rationality and the joy I was feeling from knowing I was actually going to finish even if it was last turned into a kind mixed bag of emotions. Everything hurt and while my eyes were swelling with tears from the pain, my body wasn’t about to let the water go to waste. I don’t know how I kept running. I think perhaps I just didn’t know how to stop. I remember thinking every few minutes, “Am I done yet?” looking around, knowing I wasn’t and then just going blank again until it was time to ask that question again. The last time I asked it, it was outloud and the answer was from somebody somewhere was, “yes.”

Post Race

There really wasn’t a finish line. Just some lady and her kid writing numbers down as you arrived back in transition. There wasn’t any hoopla and I wouldn’t have known my time except that I timed myself on my watch. I did this race without any support so there wasn’t anybody there to congratulate me. Despite the lack of all the external celebration, despite coming in dead last, I couldn’t have been happier. It’s a good thing I didn’t have the energy to cry, ’cause I’da been bawling like a baby.

There is something to setting a goal which seems entirely out of your reach and then achieving it. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had that experience. Mostly because having gotten lost in the drudgery of day to day middle class life I’ve forgotten what it’s like to dream about doing something and then beating myself half to death to get it. I’m fond of telling people I work with that I’m only really interested in working on projects that I don’t think are possible, but those things are few and far between these days. Doing this triathlon for was not about winning or getting in shape, it was about proving to myself that I can still do things which I don’t think I can do. That I’ve still got the discipline and the will to push outside the boundaries of my social role, and what I consider my personal limitations. Frankly I can’t think of a better reason to do anything, and I can’t think of a better feeling than having done it.

Recovery

Recovery was hard. I took the following day off work to just rest but there is more to it than that. I lost my appetite for 3 days so I had to remind myself to eat my sleep patterns were messy and my moods were all over the place. I think this was mostly due to inadequate nutrition and hydration in the days leading up to the race. My muscles and joints while drained were never really sore. I tried swimming 3 days later, and that didn’t work out so well. Just didn’t have the strength. The worst part was my feet, I think alot of the trouble I had during the run was due to my shoes being worn out. The outside of my right foot was pretty bruised where the plastic arch support in my shoes is and my heals felt like somebody was stabbing them with needles if I didn’t wear soft socks. 10k is isn’t enough running to induce that kind of pain. I’ve run it before. So I’ll be buying new shoes very shortly.

A response to a legitement question asked by some christian:

I think what you are asking for is and Ethical standard without god? It’s really not very complicated. It is good to treat people with respect and diggnity because it facilitates social interaction, reduces animosity, creates social cohesion. These things lead to a more fluid and sustainable society, which is likely to produce happier citizens and more importantly is less likely to implode in upon itself. Given that both the quality and quantity of life for individual humans is greatly increased when men band together in social units and that those quantities increase in proportion to the size of the social unit, one could point out that it is better for men to live harmoniously amongst one another. More importantly, that failing to do so leads not to an ethereal and intangible hell in an after life, but quite litterally to a real hell here and now. So the answer, for an atheist , as to men should be good can be put very simply: men should be good to one another because it is in their own self interest to do so.